As little girl MK, I put on the most ridiculous shows which involved dancing, singing, and preforming (and yes there are video recordings)…a year ago I didn’t really have energy to put on such shows, nor would I have found them to be enjoyable…in fact joy wasn’t so much in my vocabulary…tonight however I put on one of those shows…not to an audience (besides one of my friends) and also not on purpose (just because I felt like it)…but lets just say my life is abundant with joy these days…
After reflecting on the past year this weekend, I am seriously overwhelmed. My life is so radically different these days and I cannot help but smile at how wonderful it is. I remember the days of sitting in my room alone, lying about eating meals, not going out because I was terrified I might have to eat, having not enough energy to make it through a school day, and physically being just a mess. Yea it was that bad… I say that not for sympathy sake but because I literally had no idea at the time how bad it was.
I started/committed to my recovery with ED because I didn’t want to be controlled by him anymore. I didn’t want to live a life that wasn’t my own. I wanted to truly live. I wanted a future. I wanted to not obsess. I wanted my joy back. ED could NOT give me any of these things…he merely stole them from me.
I am so in awe of how amazing God’s grace is to bring me where I am today. Honestly, I didn’t believe recovery was possible at the time. I just knew I had to do it…no matter what. Today, I cannot understand how my life would look without recovery. Because even though it was (and can be) tough sometimes…recovery rocks (tonight it literally did:))!
Last year, I barely had energy to sing a song set at RUF (yea ED even affected my vocal chords and having energy to sing). Tonight…well you can ask Meg for details. She definitely caught me dancing and singing around the kitchen pretty obnoxiously and embarrassingly (with cookies in my hand). While I am not sure I would want these “performances” broadcast on national television I sure as heck would post videos of this MK vs. last years MK any day.
It’s the little things…like signing and dancing like a fool, laughing till I cry with my best friend, making it through a day without a nap (not that those are bad:)), eating three meals (and loving it)…and feeling such joy, that makes this journey worth it…soooooooo worth it! So in a month of thankfulness, today, and everyday I am thankful…thankful for my support team, thankful for my recovery, thankful for the joy restored to my life, thankful that you are reading this, thankful for each of you… Praying you find the immense joy I did tonight…because it is INCREDIBLE…and it is worth it. ALWAYS REMEMBER…
YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!