I may have been one of the most blessed little girls…When I was little I had everything a girl could ask for…I had all the tutus, Barbies, baby dolls, books, and everything else a little girl could ever have wanted…I had a great family, a precious little brother, and all the friends I could have ever asked for…Somewhere along the lines it wasn’t enough…I needed to fulfill my satisfaction in a different way…I didn’t know what I was doing when I started but I lost a lot through it…However, today I choose to be grateful…
The last few weeks I have had a lot of amazing experiences with people in all walks of life and it has caused me to look back on the last twelve years and my struggle with ED… I fully believe that God puts us in situations to learn, grow, struggle, learn to depend on Him, and ultimately be a comfort and help others with their struggles.
I honestly never thought I would utter these words… but I am grateful for my journey and struggle with ED. I know you are thinking that sounds crazy, considering how much I normally bash ED. Don’t get me wrong I still hate ED, still think he is awful, still don’t want him as a part of my life…but I am grateful for this journey…let me explain…
I am beyond grateful for this journey and struggle with my eating disorder because through the pain and suffering I have learned so much about myself and others that I would have never understood before. I have learned and grown to have a huge heart for the brokenhearted and messy people (let’s be real that is all of us:)). I have learned and begun to live the concept of grace. I have learned what it means to not fully understand all the complexities of life yet still be there for others and walk through life with them.
Throughout the last year especially, I have realized how truly blessed I am and how grateful I need to be for every aspect of my life. I am beating ED. I have a God that loves me unconditionally. I am graduating in six months from a fabulous school and get to begin my life. I am a part of an incredible ministry. I get to meet with the most amazing women everyday. I have a guy that shows me love and grace without fail. I have family and friends that continue to support me. Let’s just say I am truly #beyondblessed (for many of you who know me this little shout out will make you smile:))
As I chatted with some dear friends this week I realized how grateful I am for every person who has walked this journey with me…the good, the bad, and the ugly. I am grateful for the precious friend who stayed up with me many of nights (and slept in my room more nights than I can count), for the friend who skyped me from continents away, for the friend who wrote precious notes and texts, for the amazing lady who shared her home for a weekend and saw me at my worst, for the guys who took me to eat every Wednesday night (and stayed until I ate), for the guy who took me to get slurpees and on walks, for the precious women who took me to lunch, breakfast and dinner, for the kids that occupied my life with joyfulness, for the woman who bought me groceries and gave me love, for the woman who shared her own family struggles, for the family who was willing to do anything for me, for the family who let me live with them and always showed me love, for the three women who were second moms always, for the staff that walked every bit of my ups and downs with me, for the brother that prayed unceasingly, for the dear friends who took me in when I had no place else to turn, for the family that supported me with so much love, for the woman who saved my life and truly helped me started my recovery, for the friends who always answered my endless phone calls and texts and always dropped everything to be there for me, for the brothers that let me sob in their car and gave me nothing but love, for the momma that took me to doctor’s appointments, for the friends that constantly reminded me I would make it through, for the ministry that helped me find hope, for the support team that never gave up on me, for the three most precious kids that I know and their parents who showed me more love and grace than I ever deserved and who MK holds a completely different meaning…And believe me the list goes on and on.
And then there are the amazing men and women I have met through this journey that they too have had their own EDs… who each of them have inspired me and who I will always be so grateful for (and who each will always hold a special place in my heart)… for the brave man who helped me recognize I had a problem and shared my journey with me, for the woman who is the most beautiful lady I know and who has become one of my dearest best friends, for the precious friend that walked through my darkest days with me, for my dear that met me every week for coffee, dinner, and encouragement and shared her recovery, for the staff member who shared her precious journey, for a wise woman who helped me get help and told me to pick Jesus, for the big spirited girl who faced it head on, for the brave girl in my family who is amazing, for the big-hearted girl who’s phone calls cheered me up all summer, for the lady I miss dearly but who no matter where she is will always be special to me, for the wonderful precious friend I get to have a coffee date with every week, for a literal model and inspiration of a lady, for the wonderful woman I just met who has such a precious heart and who I get to talk to everyday, for the incredible lady who I get to work for and am so excited about, for the amazing ladies it seems I get to meet everyday now, who are kicking ED’s tush(!!!)…and once again the list goes on and on of all the amazing people I have met who have struggled with ED and who are winning their own battles.
So yes, I am SOOO grateful. Grateful that God put me on this path, Grateful that He gave me a struggle I can use to help others. Grateful that all over girls are taking off their masks of shame because other people are speaking out. I would have never imagined I would be on this path, nor would I have picked it…but I can honestly say I am grateful I am here. Because I know that I am right where God wants me and without this struggle I truly wouldn’t have had some of the most precious moments of my life. So even when there was darkness…there was always light (even when I couldn’t see it) and for that I am grateful. I know this is part of a life long mission He has put me on…but today I am going to just sit back and be grateful for ALL He has given me in this journey. I hope you can maybe take a moment and do that too…because you should ALWAYS remember…not only am I so grateful for you reading this but also…
YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!