I remember stuffing celery, making the mashed potatoes and macaroni and cheese and helping set all the places at the table. I remember decorating the house with pilgrims and pumpkins. I remember my excitement when I was with my cousins and whole family…and I even remember eating the chocolate pie…my favorite chocolate pie…However, years went by and Thanksgiving became a holiday I began to dread…especially the food.
In the last few years I would chat with my friends about holidays and when it came to talk of Thanksgiving I would always smile and say…I just don’t really care for Thanksgiving. My friends who knew me would smile knowingly and say they understood…but they didn’t and they couldn’t.
Once upon a time there was a little girl who used to beg her grandma for the beater of the mashed potatoes. Then she and her brother would sit under the kitchen bar and lick the beaters before their mom would catch them telling them they would spoil their dinner. The same little girl would eat her meal as fast as she could and beg that we start dessert as soon as possible so she could eat her great grandmother’s amazing chocolate pie. Those were wonderful days and for a long time (over a decade) they were memories long forgotten.
Let’s just say that the last few holidays have been less than merry for many reasons. And anyone with ED understands that the holidays are the absolute worst. Even last year after I started recovery, making it through the Thanksgiving meal was more difficult than finals. Being around so much food with so many options and feeling that all eyes were on me (even though they weren’t) was the worst.
However, that was the past and this year is different. This year I get to ENJOY (key word enjoy) not one but TWO thanksgiving dinners. I am excited to spend the time with family and friends. I am happy…happy that ED doesn’t have to dictate my thoughts and if there is something that looks good or doesn’t (we all know there are those foods that no one knows what it is:)), then I get to make the decision (NOT ED!) whether I eat it or not.
This year I am thrilled to get to experience everything about the holidays that I never have before…because I not only have soo much to be thankful for but also I get to have my FIRST real thanksgiving in a looooong time and that make me soo grateful!
Believe me I get it…that for many of you the holidays may be hard…that this may not be your favorite time of year…that there may be a whole lot going into these holidays that’s not all that joyful. However, I thought that too last year and I am here to tell you that I was wrong and (I’m sorry!) so are you! There is so much joy in this time of year and I hope you get to experience it soon (because believe it or not it is possible to do holidays without ED). For the first time I am looking forward to the holiday season this year (and all the food too:)). So just remember as the holidays come this week, that…
YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!