Anyone that knows me, knows that my planner stays glued to my side. If I don’t have my planner I feel incomplete, sad as that may sound, it is the truth. I check it multiple times a day making sure I am not missing anything on my to do list. I write down everything from appointments to the things on my to do list. My planner is a tad overwhelming…so it is no surprise that sometimes just looking at it creates more anxiety than necessary. There are some nights before I go to bed that I deliberately do not look at it because frankly I don’t want to know what all I have to do tomorrow. And yet as I write those last few sentences I have to laugh because I am not sure why I continue to plan every detail of my life out…because frankly life never works out how I plan it… and I am learning to be more than okay with that…
When I entered TCU I was set on being an attorney and not just any attorney but one day the District Attorney. High achiever much?! Fast forward four years later and I am a wedding planner/coordinator and non-profit employee. I couldn’t have ended up on more opposite ends of the spectrum. When I was fifteen I was convinced that the guy I was “dating” was the one for me….thank goodness he wasn’t. When I was three I knew I was going to be a star ballerina and model. If you have read my earlier post you know all about that, let’s just say I am grateful it never happened. Even more, when I admitted I had a problem with Ed I thought I would only let my very closest friends know and then once I was over it I would never talk about it again. Here is where you can chuckle to yourself as I share on a daily basis, especially on this blog all about my journey. In fact, anyone could find out about my story now if they wanted. Life is so funny that way. Honestly, I don’t know why I continue to plan, because I know who holds a much bigger plan for my life and I am grateful at the end of the day that I have a trust much bigger than my own.
Yet, here I am the constant planner of every detail and activity (at least it got me a job where I can put my skills to work;)). And yet sometimes I realize that when I plan every detail I miss so much of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think planning in itself is horrible. In fact, I appreciate it when friends, dates, people in general plan out certain activities we are going to do when we’re together. I appreciate knowing big event dates in advance to mark on my calendar. I appreciate going on a vacation where travel and accommodations has been checked into. Planning in itself is not a horrible thing but when I get wrapped up in it and forget to enjoy my life then it is a major problem. I am going to be honest here and say that I do this a lot. I get so wrapped up in the planning of certain things that I forget to sit back, breathe and enjoy it. Even this evening I have made a to do list of all I need to do till graduation…instead of rolling with the punches. That list is what inspired this post, so believe me when I say this post is as much for me as it is for you.
If you can imagine it, there was a time in my life that I was so wrapped up in the details of my planning that I went from one activity to another without taking any time for me or frankly taking care of myself. It was bad…really bad. And I bet you can guess that I ended up a mess in the end. I think there is a healthy balance. I don’t want to have nothing planned ever…but I also don’t want to plan so much that I forget to enjoy the moments in my life. I am about to start a new chapter in my life post grad and nothing would break my heart more than getting so caught up in all I have to do than for me to forget to sit back and enjoy it this beautiful time in my life.
Honestly, some of my best memories have come from things that I never planned on happening, hangouts with friends that were spur of the moment, relationships I never expected, surprises that truly surprised me, spontaneous decisions. I am truly grateful for those moments, it is in those that I have really experienced life. Sometimes we get so caught up in our busyness that coffee with a friend just becomes one more appointment on the calendar for the day. I have definitely had those…and it makes me sad. My relationships are what is most important in my life and when I get so caught up in my “plans” I am not only suffering but so are the people in my life. I want to enjoy my coffee and lunch dates with the people I care about or the shopping trips with my best friend and not have to worry that in thirty minutes I have to be someplace else. Life is too short for us not to enjoy every moment!
Nothing of which I just said is easy for me, because it means I have to learn that it is okay to get five things rather than twenty five done in a day. It means that I may not get to see five friends in one day but have meaningful time with two. It means that I have to learn to leave my planner at home and just enjoy a day without it. It means that I have to take care of myself so I am not run down. Any of this resonate with you friend? Maybe it does or maybe it doesn’t but I just want to encourage you that I am not perfect (and I never will be nor do I want to be perfect at it because that would be a different issue) but I am getting better and that is all I can do. I am learning to say no and not overbook. I am learning that I do have time for things that are really important to me and there are some things that aren’t and that is okay! I am learning that a day without looking at my planner is peaceful. And I am learning that everything does not have to be done in a day. Maybe these all describe you. Maybe they don’t. Maybe you can relate but have different areas to work on. Take some time to take a deep breath, spend some time without the planner, do something you truly want to do, and heck even do something unplanned. My Friends, life is too short for you not to truly live every moment. I hope you do that this week….and may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…
YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!!