Why I Won’t Call You Skinny

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I remember the first time I heard the words that will stay with me forever. I remember the smile on the woman’s face as she looked at me with envy and I remember the pride that exuded from me that day thinking I had just won a gold metal. What were those words? No they weren’t you are amazing. No they weren’t you are so smart or kind. They weren’t even you are beautiful. Those words which held me in a death trap for over a decade were, “You are so skinny!”

I was ten years old and standing in the school hallway before class. A former teacher looked at me and gushed as she told me how skinny I was, how much weight I had lost, and how incredible I looked. I learned on that day; skinny was to be praised, skinny was noteworthy, skinny made people stop and notice, skinny was what I should strive to be. My heart breaks and I literally feel sick as I think of that young, innocent girl holding her princess backpack as her grasp of beauty begins to slip through her fingers.

I think if only the teacher had known I lost weight because of mental issues that were weighing me down, if she had only known each day at lunch I traded my home packed lunch for half of a subway sandwich (that a girl who’s mom was on the subway diet gave her each day). And if only she knew once I was given that six-inch sandwich I never managed to eat half of it. If only she knew, ironically the same year, I learned about how important skinny was I also learned what eating disorders were. However, I never even dreamed I could have one, because I wasn’t an emaciated Ballerina and I didn’t throw up my food, so how could I have a problem. That same year I would stand outside my Reading Class with a headache so terrible I could barely focus because I had eaten nearly nothing that day. However, the only thought which crossed my mind was “If this is what it takes to be skinny, it is worth it”.

For over a decade I would believe the lie, “skinny was the best thing possible”. Skinny fueled my Ed. I would try to brush off every compliment related to my size. I would deny it when someone said I was smaller than them. Shrug my shoulders when size “x” didn’t fit me. I would laugh when someone asked me for my diet and exercise tips. Inside, I would be thrilled. I was ecstatic of the praise and attention. Proud that my size had earned me this “privilege”.

Secretly though, I was dying physically, mentally and emotionally. I thought in order to be loved, in order to be valued, in order to be praise worthy I needed to stay this skinny. It was a losing game because no matter what the number on the scale said, no matter how small the size got, no matter how many people complimented, it wasn’t enough. And even more, the skinnier I got the more I lost MK. I had no idea what true beauty was and that it had nothing to do with the size you were.

Looking back I don’t blame the woman who stopped me in the hallway, she didn’t cause my eating disorder. My Ed was about so much more than that. That woman merely played the part that society has taught us to play. We are taught from an extremely young age that beauty and (even more) size are important. We are taught that it defines our worth and who we are.

What if I told you it didn’t though? What if I told you striving for skinny and even more perfection won’t get you anywhere but heartache. If you know me today you know no matter how much weight you may have lost or gained, I will never comment on your size. I will never tell you how skinny you are. I will never say you look like you’ve put on weight. Because I don’t believe commenting on people’s sizes is appropriate in any way, shape, or form. Because I don’t believe your view of beautiful should be determined by a comment, or a magazine, or by comparison.

When we take time out to comment on something we are stating what we feel is important to say. Worth is put in our words. I never want someone to think they are valued for their size. Because size doesn’t define worth. Size doesn’t define beauty.

May you know you are beautiful for millions of things but your size should never dictate your beauty. And may we work together to stop using words like skinny or fat or commenting on size in general.

And may you always remember how loved and worth it you are,

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You Know Her

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Three years, and yet it seems like a lifetime ago. Three years, and yet it seems like I don’t even know who that girl was. But I do, because she was me and deep down inside I know what it was like to be that girl. I remember every detail of my sweet therapist Shelley’s office. I remember the paintings hung on the wall. I remember the chair I sat in. I remember the tears that began to stream down her face when she told me I needed more help than she could provide. I remember the sobs that came from me and the Kleenex she handed me as she held my hand. I remember standing up and giving her a brave smile. And I remember the hug she gave me as I left her office, knowing I had a decision to make.

If you had bumped into me in a coffee shop a little over three years ago, you would have thought I had it all together. I always had the right outfit with the right accessory. I had bow in my hair and the biggest smile you have ever seen on my face. If you were my friend a little over three years ago I would have sat across from you at coffee and told you that I was just fine. I might have admitted that I had a little issue with food but that I had it under control. Deep down inside I knew I had a problem but I was okay with the problem because I didn’t want to let go of the control. Ed was ruining and wrecking my life.

That day in counseling three years ago I made a decision. I decided that I would stop letting Ed take control and I would start fighting for freedom. And I haven’t stopped since that day. Because of His amazing grace, and an incredible support team professional and personal, I am where I am today, living a life of freedom.

While it seems like much more than three years ago that I sat there terrified of what may come, I remember who that girl was and even more I see her all around me. She is the one who looks like she has it all together. She is the one who is involved in everything. She is the one who always has a smile on her face. She is the one who is the first to help you with all your problems. She could be your best friend, your sister, your boss, your mom, your wife.

You may have no idea she has a problem because you think she has her life all together. You may see her comment on food. You may see her be a “picky eater”. You may even see her count calories or exercise. But you think nothing of it, because in today’s society, talking negatively about our body or food is acceptable. You may think nothing of it because you too have those behaviors.

Can I tell you a secret? She needs you. Whether she wants to admit it or not. She needs you to hold her hand. She needs your hugs. She needs your love. She needs your support. Even more she needs to know that you don’t love her any less because of this. She needs to know that you don’t think she’s crazy. She needs you to know she will mess up and it will be hard but you will stand by her. That smile on her face is hiding her pain and her put together outfit and life are facades in order to fool you into thinking she has her life together. She wants you to think she has it all under control when really her control is slipping through her fingertips.

So love her and show her grace. Help her when she needs it and listen when she asks. If it weren’t for those people in my life I would have never made it in recovery. Eating Disorders are horrendous for the people dealing with but they are also terrifying for the people surrounding them. Loved ones often want to help but they have no idea how. So for those of you who are struggling, let someone in today, I promise you won’t regret it. For those of you who love someone struggling with Ed, hold their hand and listen. You can’t fight the battle for them but you can love, support and show them grace while they do it, and I promise you it will make a bigger impact than you know. And to my lovely support team, friends, family, professionals, thank you will never be enough. Because of your support, love, and pointing me back to His grace, I am living three years of freedom. Oh happy day indeed!

Know today and everyday, you are loved and you are worth it!

xoxo,

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*Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or any kind of counselor or medical professional, just an Ed survivor and advocate.  I also in no way believe that only women suffer from Ed so know that this could easily be for men as well. Even more, I don’t want you reading to believe that if you or someone you know smiles a lot, wears put together outfits and is a driven person that means you or they have an Eating Disorder. I simply want others to take notice that often the people we least expect to have issues are the ones that do. If you or someone you know has an Eating Disorder these websites below are great resources:

http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

http://www.eatingdisorderhope.com/

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Remembering Why

 

When I was a sophomore in college I wrote a book. I never published it, in fact I never wrote it down because truth be told it was all in my head. I worked at a doctor’s office and that summer as I typed up documents, filed patient’s charts, scanned paperwork and worked silently, I “wrote” my book. I thought about everything I would tell young women and men who struggled. I knew even then that your story mattered and was worth telling. Years went by, and I put the book on the shelf, never to be published or read. Because it is tough to tell your story and it is scary but even through the pain and tears it is what we have to do.

Nearly two years ago, I started this blog to tell my story and in doing that I did one of the bravest things I’ve have ever done, I told my story to the world. I thought it stopped there. I thought if I shared my story here I wouldn’t have to keep doing it. I wouldn’t have to continue to be real and vulnerable. I wouldn’t have to continue to open myself up to others but I was wrong. Because my story is about leaving perfection and learning grace. It is about a journey through recovery. It is about saying that some days are extremely hard and tear worthy and some days are filled with sunshine. But even more it is saying that my story in no way, in no manner is about me. It is about a grace so big that it wipes away all my shame and says you are made clean. You are not your eating disorder, you are not your depression, you are not your anxiety, you are not your past mistakes and shame because you were made clean by grace. You are dearly loved and always will be.

So because I know that grace, because I know that love I share my story and I will continue to share no matter what. And my friend I hope you share your story too and know that grace is bigger. And may you always remember…

You matter and you are loved,
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Present Over Perfect

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I’ve reorganized my desk. I’ve straightened my new short hair. I’ve done laundry. I’ve hung curtains. The list goes on, and I have done all of those things to avoid writing about what is on my heart… because what I have to say I am not good at. In fact, I am pretty bad at it most days. However, that’s why I started writing here because I believe that grace is bigger and perfection kills dreams and breaks heart. I spent too many years in the down spiral of perfection. So today. as a new wife, as a new neighbor as a new employee I remind myself of the truth I know that grace is bigger and that I have to continually choose it in order to live a life of present over perfect.

In the last two weeks, I became a wife and to say my dreams came true would be an understatement. I love being a wife to my handsome husband. I love serving him. I even love being able to spend time setting up our house. Even in the midst of hard marriage talks and fights, life is filled with joy… until I listen to the voices in my head, telling my decorations aren’t good enough. my dinners are gourmet enough, and heck I am not even good enough for my sweet husband. And when I sit down and listen to these voices, I realize what soul sucking lies they are. So this week I made a decision that I would choose present over perfect. I would choose to be in the moment, good and bad because I only have this life to live. As I sat down I realized that the more I chose the present over “being perfect” the more I was able to see the grace at work in my own life.

I’ve always been the biggest people pleaser. I want everyone to be okay with my choices and okay with who I am. If I am being honest it used to kill me when someone didn’t like me. But when I live my life dictated by the standard of perfection that I and other people set for me, I am even more of a mess. I am a stress case. I control, anything and everything in my life. I miss out on life. And I am the worst version of me. And the worst part is that I believe the lie that life is a story about me.

In my heart, I truly believe in grace. A grace so scandalous that it not only saved my soul but it truly took a wretch like me and used my story to bring glory to the One who wrote it. I believe that grace saved my life and saved me from destroying myself. When I lean towards perfection I don’t recognize grace and even more I don’t exercise. I believe that I can do it all on my own and frankly I don’t need any help. I am more selfish than ever. And I end up on the kitchen floor in tears because the room doesn’t look perfect, and I am exhausted and I haven’t eaten because I’ve been too focused on my selfishness. That is what perfection does, it wrecks me but grace it saves me.

So today, tomorrow, this week, and here after…I’m deciding to live in the present. I am choosing present over perfect. This is where I get to see grace at work.  My friend, life is hard but it is a million times harder when we let perfection rule it. So how about you choose present over perfect? How about you take some time to live in the present and see grace at work? It is worth it I promise

You are loved and you are worth it!

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I Am Not a Writer

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I never meant to be a blogger. I never sat down and thought I could write something that would resonate with others. I never thought of myself as a writer. I was always the reader. I love books like some people love the sunshine, I cannot get enough. I have always had a book under my arm, not a pen in my hand. I majored in English because I love literature not writing. I crave stories and the words in them.

All that time I never thought I was a writer. In fact, for nearly all of my education years I hated writing. I hated essays. I hated papers. Ask me to read a book and I would do it in a night. Ask me to write anything and I would sit on it for as long as possible. However, the older I’ve become the more I have recognized we all have a story, a story unique from anyone else’s and if we are brave enough to tell our story than others might share theirs too. And when we share our stories we might realize we have a friend who understands us and can help share in our burdens.

Recently I have struggled with the idea of myself as a blogger. It is no secret that I love social media. I can recognize that there are definite downsides to the use of social media. However, for many reasons I will always love it. I love the inspiration that can be found, the relationships that can be built, the companionship that can be shared and the storytelling that can be told. I have benefitted from each and every one of these aspects.

I follow some of the most creative bloggers, photographers, and activists on social media and while I love seeing their posts, on my bad days I cannot help but compare. Now my friends, I have learned that the comparison is the thief of joy. So when the lies tell me that I am simply MK, I don’t have a fancy company, I am too young, I am a nobody…the truth tells me that I am MK, there is no one like me, I have a story and I am the only one who can tell my story, and I was put on earth to tell my story so that it might point to the gospel…that is my truth.

So on the days I struggle with whether I am a true blogger or even more whether I am a true writer. I tell myself that YES I am! Because to me, a writer tells a story and that is exactly what I am doing, I am telling my story. I am a writer. I never imagined I could be or I would be but I am.

Pretty soon this special piece of web space is going to get a fabulous make over by my fabulous friend and designer KM (and yes our name is totally the same flip flopped. Hers is Kate Martha!! We were meant to be besties!!) So as that change takes place, it is important for me to remind myself and my readers why I write. I write simply to tell my story, in hopes that it may help one person realize that they are not alone and that freedom is REAL and it is the BEST! When we tell our story we allow the gospel to become real to people and that is my hope for this blog, that you would see the grace of the gospel in the midst of my mess. Whether you are a blogger or a writer, you are a storyteller because only you can tell your story, so tell it.

So if you are reading for the first time or for the millionth time…Welcome Friend! I know that you have a story to tell and one day I hope I get to hear it. And may you always remember…

You are loved and you are worth it,

MK

Asking for Help

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“There is nothing small or inconsequential about our stories. There is, in fact, nothing bigger. And when we tell the truth about our lives-the broken parts, the secret parts, the beautiful parts-then the gospel comes to life, an actual story about redemption…”

Dear Friend,

I want to tell you a story…

Wednesday nights were my favorite during the four years I was at TCU. Each Wednesday night I walked through the doors of the chapel and was greeted by a community of people who loved me exactly as I am—flawed, messy, and in desperate need of grace. The first time I went to RUF I was scared because I did not know a single person in the room. After I was greeted with warm smiles and gentle welcomes, I knew there was no reason to be scared. For the first time in college I felt at home. A peace washed over me like I had never felt before and I knew I had found the community I so longed to be a part of. That community was, and still is Reformed University Fellowship (RUF).

 

As a part of the ministry, I realized that RUF does not primarily live within the walls of the chapel nor is it confined to our large group meetings. The community of RUF is visible during late nights at Whataburger and while making Slurpee runs to Seven Eleven. You can see RUF’s community at early morning breakfasts, at birthday parties and Christmas parties, in the midst of break ups and heartaches, singing karaoke on a Saturday night, or in many other ways that we share life together. These people held my hand, dried my tears, calmed my fears, loved me when I felt unlovable, shown me grace upon grace, and the people who always pointed me back to the cross of Jesus Christ. They spoke truth when it was hard to hear and came to my rescue when they saw me in need. They have given me more love and grace than I could have ever imagined and they have demonstrated what it means to be in true community. And because of what this community did for me, I want to share the same gospel-love with others. I want them to know that it’s okay that they aren’t okay because Jesus is better than being better. I want them to know that Jesus loves immensely flawed individuals and that there is a community that reflects that love.

 

In my RUF community, we were able to serve each other with love and grace for the sole reason that Jesus has shown us a scandalous grace despite our adulterous hearts. We desired to share this amazing love with others as well as we could. We have spent time learning to live out this kindness in word and deed. When we hurt one another, we were reminded that God’s grace is greater than our faults. I believe in and serve a God who is bigger than us, bigger than our mistakes, bigger than our flaws, and bigger than RUF.

 

What about those of you who are reading this and aren’t a part of a similar community? What if you did not even know such a group of people existed? Well here is where you get to play a HUGE part in RUF. Come this fall, my (then) husband Brett and I will be moving to Waco, Texas where I will be the new RUF intern at Baylor University. Brett and I are beyond thrilled for this opportunity to serve college students. However, we need your help. Like many ministry jobs, I have to raise my own salary of $35,000 dollars. I am confidant that God has His hand in this and the money will be raised. You my friend have an opportunity to participate in the ministry of RUF and donate to my time at Baylor. You will help me be able to serve students at Baylor by giving a one-time gift or a reoccurring monthly gift.

Come August 20th if 85% or more of my salary is not raised, than I will be unable to serve at Baylor. So my friend, you were not chosen at random to receive this letter. You are receiving this letter because you too have been a part of my journey and walked through life with me. Would you please consider continuing along with me by taking this next step? 

We all need a community this side of heaven to help bear in our burdens and love us well. I promise you they are out there. My friend, there is hope and it starts with unimaginable grace from a God who loves and chooses you despite your brokenness, He picked you. Responding to God’s love happens in a community of people who are devoted to knowing Him and showing his grace to others. Look for those people and if you are interested in giving to my ministry at RUF, you can begin doing so today.

Please go online to www.givetoruf.org and enter “Martha Moseley” in the box under specific campus, church plant or field staff or you can mail a check to:

Reformed University Fellowship

P.O. Box 890004

Charlotte, NC 28289 0004

Friend, I would love to sit down over a meal or a cup of coffee to discuss any questions you may have as well as to thank you for your support.

Please feel free to contact me and know that you will hear from me soon. I could not do this without you!

With much love and gratitude,

Martha Kate

martha.moseley@ruf.org

 

Taking a Leap of Faith

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Tomorrow I am taking another huge leap of faith. Tomorrow I get to share this video with a group of high school students and talk to them about Eating Disorders and Recovery. I wanted to share it with all of you first so that you could be praying that it would help open a conversation, that recovery is possible and grace is so much better. My story is one of millions and it has never been about me but if sharing my story of grace helps one person find freedom and grace than it is worth sharing.

Thanks for watching!

Always remember…

You are loved and you are worth it,

<3MK

Losing Diamonds

If you were to look at my left ring finger you wouldn’t see that beautiful diamond that has graced my hand the last month and half. Nope it is not there…

Now before you all panic and starting sending me frantic texts and calling my mother, Brett and I are still very much together and engaged. In fact, if you haven’t heard we are having a July 4th wedding,which we are pretty stoked about. However, that diamond ring isn’t on my finger currently, although I wish it was.

Somewhere in between Sunday Church, lunch, a nap, and errand running the big diamond in my perfectly beautiful ring fell out. I was devastated. Gratefully we found the diamond on my floor after scouring my room, outside, cars, etc. The ring is currently being shipped back to the manufacture to be remade and the jeweler assured me this has never happened before and there must have been a defect with the ring. I am not sure if I felt better after that conversation or not. So for the next week and half if you see my left ring finger you will see a beautiful pearl ring my father gave my mother twenty six years.

As interested as I am sure you all are in my lost diamond saga, I think there is a much  deeper lesson that I have learned through it all that I would like to share…

I love people. I love spending time with people. I love sharing stories. I love phone calls. I love catching up. I love doing it all so much that I often schedule one too many meetings in a day. While it may be well intended, by the end of the day I am exhausted and sometimes I even have to cancel something because I am so overwhelmed with “all I have to do”. Just like I took for granted my beautiful diamond that set on my finger I take people and relationships for granted too.

This weekend I got to spend time with some of my favorite people, my RUF community. If you know me than you know how special they are to me, they are family. Half of them flew across country to witness the union of two of our dear friends. It was truly a beautiful special time. Some of us see each other often and others of us had not spoken in more than a year. However, we know each other, we get each other and after a few minutes together it was as if we had never been separated. We have smiled, laughed, and cried with each other. We celebrate victories and we comfort hurts.

Unfortunately, those bonds don’t come easily and they certainly don’t happen overnight. They happen one meal, one coffee, one secret shared at a time, one grace filled conversation at a time. Even more they don’t happen when taken for granted. Whether we all speak each week or we only talk every few months I can guarantee that we all value what each person has been and will be in each others lives. We realize that life is fleeting and friendships like these will not always happen. We recognize that although distance separate us, one day they will not and that one of the most beautiful pictures of God’s people in community is when we come together to share in life moments.

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Not only, did I have this beautiful reminder of community and friendship but I also had a much tougher example. Like my diamond ring that I once thought would always be on my hand forever. I often think I have infinite time with people and that if we miss one phone call than we can always catch up later. Sadly, sometimes that is just not the case. Last night, I visited my sweet 89 year old grandfather in the hospital. If you know me than you know that my Poppy has a very dear place in my heart. He was so much a part of my college years and in fact it is because of him that I had the best twentieth and twenty first birthday, complete with a Roaring Twenties and Mardi Gras theme. He has taught me to dance and to not take myself to seriously. He has loved me and laughed with me. He has beat boys off with sticks and taught me important life lessons. He seriously always makes me feel like a princess and the most beautiful girl in the world. Precious is an understatement of who my Poppy is to me. Last night, as it is becoming more normal, he didn’t know who I was. After some chatting he knew I was his granddaughter and after some coaxing he remembered my name. My eyes filled with tears at the smile that crossed his face and the pride in his voice as he said, Martha. Poppy may have years left or he could have months or days, we aren’t sure. However, his memory and dementia will continually get worse and there will be a day that he no longer is able to recognize me even with coaxing.

Last night visiting Poppy, was a tangible reminder that we don’t have unlimited time with people we love and in fact that we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. Life is precious and it would be so easy to zoom through life from project to project and coffee to coffee without fully soaking in time and building relationships with people. In all honesty, who knows how many “diamonds” I have lost along the way because I rushed from thing to thing and took for granted precious people in my life.

Now I want you to know this isn’t a post to shame, this isn’t a post to make you feel bad if you are a busy person, and this certainly isn’t a post to say make sure you check and insure your valuable rings. This however is a post to encourage you and remind you to make time to focus on those who are the most precious in your life, to not let your schedule fill up, to not take any person for granted. As crazy as it sounds, it took a lost diamond to slap me in the face and to make me recognize that I have some of the most precious people in my life and I want to spend the rest of my life loving on them and being in community with them. My best guess is this is exactly what you want too. And while you continually loving and walking in community, may you always remember…

You are loved and you are worth it!

❤ MK

23 Reasons I am Getting Married at 23

 

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The last few weeks have felt like a whirlwind. Actually more like a dream come true and a fairy tale wrapped into one. In fact, I still feel like I am processing all that has happened since December 19th, the day Brett asked me to spend forever with him. I have wanted to write about my favorite guy and fiance for so long and especially since the engagement. I am beyond excited to start this new journey with my best friend and love of my life. There are many things I could write about him, in fact I could fill up multiple posts. However, today when I read an article about things one should try before or instead of getting married at twenty three, I thought it was time to write. This in no way is a slap in the face to that author. She has her own experience and I have mine. I am not naive and neither is Brett. We are not getting married because we decided to on a whim. This is a decision we have talked about, thought about, prayed about, and sought wise counsel about.I know that different people make decisons for different reasons based on what is best for them. However, when I started this blog I promised to be honest and share my story. So here we go. Maybe you are thinking about marriage, maybe you have been married for thirty years, maybe marriage is not even in your sights. Whatever your life, whatever your choice, this is not a recipe or an instruction manual on why you should or shouldn’t get married. It is simply one imperfect girl’s reasons for marrying at 23. In no particular order…here are the reasons I am marrying Brett Eric Stainsby on July 4th:

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1. Age doesn’t matter. Sure we would not have been mature years ago but  now we are both adults. I am 22 and Brett is 26. We will be 23 and 27 when we get married and we made this adult mature decison together.

2. He treats me with respect. More than just opening doors and pulling out chairs. Brett genuinely respects me as a person and as his future wife.

3. He is my best friend. He is who I never hold back anything from and in turn he never holds back from me.

4. He accepts my mess, flaws and all. He is willing to walk through the trenches with me, even if it is messy, tear ridden sometimes ugly journey.

5. He shares his mess with me and is not afraid to let me into his deepest darkest days.

6. He makes a choice everyday to love me and show me love, even when I am annoying, even when I am bratty, even when I am mean, even when I haven’t showered.

7. He shows me grace, grace for my mistakes, grace for my flaws, grace for my imperfections.

8. He constantly reminds me to show myself grace and models it for me.

9. He sacrifices for me. Whether it be big or small. The other day he quit on hold twelve of a great game of golf on a beautiful day to go to an event where he knew no one, just to be there for him.

10. He calls me out lovingly when I am wrong. He doesn’t let me get away with things I do wrong. However, he shows me grace for my mistakes and loves me despite them.

11. He loves Jesus big time. He loves Him way more than he loves me. He actively pursues his faith and leads me.

12. He makes me laugh. Whether it is dancing silly, using accents, or teasing me. When I am around him I cannot help but smile.

13. He makes life better. He makes my good days more amazing and my bad days sweeter.

14. He encourages me to tell my story, to share my life with others and he supports me in the process.

15. He is an amazing listener. I may give him a hard time for not remembering every little detail but he truly does listen, especially when it counts.

16. He tells me I am beautiful no matter what and he means it. The first time he told me he loved me, he told me no matter what I looked like, I was beautiful and he loved me.

17. He makes me feel like I am the only girl in the world. Ten supermodels could walk by him while we are having lunch and the man would not even glance up at them.

18. He loves my family and shows them more kindness, love and grace than anyone ever has.

19. He takes time for my friends and considers them his own. I have never seen anyone so loved and respected by my friends.

20. He is willing to do silly things with me. Last night he watched High School Musical 2 with me while I sang along to every song and he said it was the best night.

21. He has the kindest spirit. He would give the shirt off his back to anyone and he is always willing to help anyone in need.

22. He is genuine and down to earth. He couldn’t care less about the money someone makes or where they live. He loves people for their hearts and spirits not for their material worth.

23. He wants to do life with me and I want to do life with him…FOREVER! We are not taking this marriage lightly. We know that the commitment we are making is a life long one and we couldn’t be more excited.

So there you go. Those are the reasons that I am marrying my Brett. Some of you make look at them and scoff, others may relate. Whether I decide to one day travel to the Effiel Tower, Sky Dive, get a PhD or decide to some, all, or none of those things and many more I want to be there with him through it all. He is not perfect or a saint and neither am I. We are two hopelessly imperfect people, in need of grace who want to do life together. We don’t have life completely figured out and we never will but we want to do the “figuring out” of life with each other. He is who I want by my side. He is who I want to do life with. He is my one person.

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I hope that each of you are filled with as much joy as we are, whether you are married or not or whether you are 23 or not (Brett is not 🙂 ). I also hope you know that you can have the adventure of your life even if you are married or not!

And may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!

❤ MK

A Christmas Without Ed

 

The Beautiful Heather who is a Rock Star Dietician

The Beautiful Heather who is a Rock Star Dietician

Today I have the pleasure of introducing my beautiful roommate or is also a Registered and Licensed Dietician. As she states on her website, http://www.thefittestfuel.com , she is passionate about helping individuals and she has a great interest in working with individuals to help them learn about nutrition, practice proper fueling and develop a healthy relationship with food. So it is no surprise that she has a huge heart for helping those who have had or who are currently struggling with Eating Disorders. Basically if you know Heather you know she is an overall rock star! I am so grateful for her love, friendship, support, and grace, but also for her amazing knowledge on all things nutrition. If you are struggling this holiday season then you should take a look at her awesome tips on how to have a holiday that does not revolve around Ed and also be sure to check her out and follow her blog @ http://www.thefittestfuel.com

 

So please help me in welcoming one of my dear friends Heather Heefner. I hope you enjoy her words of wisdom and take to heart her wonderful advice:

How to Keep Ed Away at the Holidays

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1)      Have a game plan: discuss your anticipation of the holidays with your therapist, dietitian and physician so that you can prepare for what is ahead. Know how to recognize your cues and what you will do to overcome stressful situations

2)      Be flexible: Be flexible in your thoughts and your guidelines for yourself. Strive to be flexible in what you eat during the holidays. Take a holiday from perfectionism.

3)      Eat regularly: Do not skip meals and in anticipation of what is to come. Keep a regular, balanced and moderate plan. Having a plan will keep you on track and also reduce stress.

4)      Avoid overbooking yourself: Cut down on unnecessary stress and leave time for relaxation, contemplation and enjoying the small pleasures in life. Make sure you schedule “me” time to take care of yourself.

5)      Direct the conversation: Handle unwelcomed comments. If the conversation starts to trigger ED emotions or thoughts, redirect the conversation to something fruitful. It is ok to call someone out so they know not to bring that topic up again. 

6)      Keep doing what you’re doing: Stick to what you know works for you and your recovery process. Do not mess with the system if it is working!

7)      Don’t do it on your own- Reach out for support! Spend time talking with your supportive loved ones about how you are feeling. Develop a plan for managing the stress and feelings of the holidays. More than likely, your loved one can provide an objective view on the situation. Stay in contact with your support group and your support team.

8)      Be compassionate: Holidays are stressful for everyone! It is so important to practice compassion for those that are around you. Showing compassion to others will help you to show compassion to yourself.

9)      Expect twists and turns: No, your journey will not be perfect…but learn to forgive yourself (and others) and keep moving forward. If certain feelings resurface, take time to consider what triggered these feelings and how you can prevent them in the future 

10) Notice the good stuff: reward yourself for the things that have gone well…no matter how big or how small they may be.

Do not let your eating disorder become an unwanted guest at your holiday table. The holidays are about spending time with family members and friends who are most important to us. Prepare ahead of time on how you can manage your eating disorder and reflect on the progress that you have made. Develop a realistic plan to stay healthy and happy. In addition, take some time to make new recovery goals to start the new year of with a clean slate, a renewed mind, and a new sense of self confidence!