Words Are Worse Than Sticks and Stones

by marthakate

100 x Yes!

My heart hurts. I am near tears. I am sad. I am angry. I am outraged but I am hopeful…

I’ve thought and prayed all day before I wrote this post, because I know of the wide variety of people who might read this article. Even more I thought of my future son or daughter who might one day read this article and I thought of the world he or she might live in. I can only hope that it is more compassionate and loving towards those with Eating Disorders and other issues. For over a decade, I lived in the silence of a sickness that was killing me and so much of the reason I lived in silence was because I was embarrassed and I was afraid. I was afraid of articles such as the one I read today. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be taken seriously or understood.

This morning a friend tagged me in the comments of an article and asked if I wanted to tackle this article on my blog. Typically I am not one to respond to articles such as this but my heart broke for the women and men who might read this article and who more than that agreed or believed it in any way to be true. Typically I would link my post to an article I reference but frankly I would prefer others not read it. However, to give you readers some context the article I read had to do with reasons to date girls with EDs. After reading the article and being thoroughly appalled I decided that it was time to take a stand because after all change doesn’t happen when we sit around and do nothing. So today, I am going to share a part of my story again, in hopes that it may help someone else. After all, my story of my struggle with Ed is one of millions but it is one that I feel compelled to share. Because in my heart, I believe we go through trials and hardships in order to help others with their own burdens. So here is to helping others and sharing our own stories so that the word might be changed through grace.

Honestly, if I believed that this was just one absurd article than that would be one thing but sadly statements and messages such as these are becoming the norm. I learned in kindergarten that sticks and stones break bones but words could never hurt me. That was a lie and it still his. Words hurt so much more than a stick or stone ever could. If you are reading this and have dealt with physical abuse, please know that in no way am I making light of it but I want people to understand the value of words in response to such a hateful article. My bruises from getting knocked down on the playground healed but the hateful words that were said to me left wounds that took and still take time to heal. When we say negative things about other people especially about their bodies, we are stating not only words that can never be taken back but we are also judging based on solely physical appearance, which in no way determines our worth. It in no way measures our heart, our journey, or our stories. However, sadly articles such as these preach the opposite and in turn cause bruises worse than any stone. Eating Disorders as they were in the article are glamorized and even more taken lightly, when in reality they are life taking, soul sucking illnesses that need serious medical help and awareness all over the world. I will never forget the amount of time I spent pouring over various glamour magazines, looking at unrealistic standards of beauty. I spent hours memorizing diets and workout plans and it left me empty and unfulfilled. No matter how hard I tried to look a certain way it was never enough. The media promotes a standard of beauty and appearance that is not only unhealthy but it also distorts the reality of true beauty. Instead, we are fed images that are not only unhealthy but also unrealistic. As a girl who spent years striving to look a certain way, all those images ever did was leave me with a huge hole in my heart.

Sadly I am not the only one who was often left with a hold in her heart, that no one knew about. People with Eating Disorders often look like they have it all together. For over a decade, I was the girl with the smile on her face. I was the All-American, Girl Next Door poster child. I had everything I could have ever wished for and more, yet inside I was dying, taken over by a stronghold so much greater than I ever realized. I felt so, so alone because I believed no one would understand that I didn’t have it all together and that my world might be falling down around me. While I felt alone the one thing I have realized throughout recovery is the fact that other people who struggle with Ed also feel alone and isolated. I never talked about my issue because I thought that others wouldn’t understand and that they would judge me because I wasn’t perfect. What I learned was that no one expected me to be perfect in the first place and was relieved when I wasn’t. When I am messy and real I am me and that is why I share my story, because Eds lie and manipulate and articles that promote such unhealthy realities only fuel such lies.

Because Ed lies and deceives we often believe the lie that Eating Disorders only affect a certain group of people and the rest are immune. However, I am here to tell you no matter your race, gender, culture, socioeconomic standing, nationality, or age Eating Disorders don’t discriminate. Eating Disorders affect everyone from young kids to grandparents. Mine started when I was a young child, before I even hit puberty. Even more, along my journey of recovery I have met men, women, grandparents, parents, teachers, lawyers, doctors, wealthy, poor, middle class, people of various races, and so many other groups of people who have dealt with Ed in their lives.Even more than discrimination of Eating Disorders based on the background of people. We often discriminate based on the appearance of someone. Finally, professionals are learning that there is no set weight or number for someone who has an eating disorder. Ed doesn’t discriminate based on the number on the scale. In fact, numbers don’t matter at all. People of all shapes and sizes struggle, however are overlooked because they don’t meet certain criteria. By making light of an issue because we assume it only affects a certain percentage of people is to not only be ignorant but also to let others who don’t fall into a specific category know that it is not okay if they struggle with this issue. And that in my book is not okay!

While my heart was heavy after reading the aforementioned article, my heart is also incredibly hopeful. A few weeks ago I was contacted by some incredibly brave students from my Alma mater at TCU. They decided to do a project on Healthy Body Image and Banning Fat Talk. You can watch the interviews they did here:

and sign their petition to eliminate fat talk here /http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/tcu-fat-talk/ It is students and individuals like these that make me so grateful for the opportunity I have to continue to build awareness of Ed and Body Image issues. They are not alone in the fight and it is my hope that after seeing their video and reflecting on your own experience with body image that you too would begin to change the conversation, that you would think about the words you are about to speak before they leave your tongue. Together we can make a change for our future sons and daughters to not have to live in a world where Eating Disorders and other mental illnesses are taken lightly. Whether you struggle with Ed or some other kind of addiction or stronghold, know that you are not alone in the fight and even more know that articles like the one I read today are not truth. The more we share our stories and struggles the more opportunity we have for a change to take place. And the more we cling to grace and not perfection the better chance we have to change the world . Today and always I am proud to call myself an Ed survivor and a Recovery Warrior and I hope that no matter your issue you keep fighting and may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!!!

xoxo MK

15Oct2013

The Year That Changed Me

by marthakate

My day speaking to some amazing high schoolers.

My day speaking to some amazing high school students.

“So there you go that’s me…I am not perfect (in fact I am as far from perfect as they come…I am actually quite a mess 🙂 ), I need grace always (sometimes I wonder how He puts up with me, but he ALWAYS does and ALWAYS will), and I am on a journey ( a roller-coaster of a journey)…a journey to a life without ED. So if you are like me or you know somebody like me, join me on this journey (but before you do buckle up. This will be the best ride of your life but just as on any great roller-coaster there will be lots of hills and drops along the way, but the end will be great). I cannot promises roses and sunshine everyday but I can promise joy in the midst of pain and a life so wonderful, you can’t even begin to imagine it! ” -From my first post A Ballerin, A Modeler and a Recovering Anorexic

I am sitting on my bed overwhelmed and with tears in my eyes…but these are the good kind of tears…the happy, the grateful, the amazed kind of tears. I cannot believe all this year has brought and all the grace I have been shown since I started to share my story here a year ago. A year ago, I wrote a post about my story, my journey through Ed recovery and a year later I am amazed and truly beyond blessed by the journey that I have been on since then. Today I spent the day with high school students sharing my story and talking about eating disorder awareness and it truly was the best day. Once again, I am astounded by the bravery of those students to talk to me and share their hearts and questions. In my mind, I am and will always be just a girl who decided to share her messiness with the world, a simple girl who has been blessed by Grace and Unconditional Love that is bigger than her mess ever will be…

As I sat down and reread my very post from a year ago, I couldn’t believe how far I had come. In fact I am still astounded and humbled. You see unlike the girl in the first post Ed and I don’t talk on a regular basis, or on a weekly or monthly basis. In fact, we really have no relationship at all. However, when his lies occasionally creep up and he decides he might like to visit I have a support team in place to remind me those are lies and what truth is. What a blessing it is to hear the truth and believe it. Today, I live my life in the freedom of recovery. It means not everyday is perfect, not everyday is great, but everyday holds beauty even in the midst of pain and everyday is a step in the right direction. In the last year, I learned that recovery in no manner is an open and shut book that you put up on the shelf to never touch again. Recovery is a work in progress and so am I.

A year ago, I could have never imagined sharing my story with thousands of others. In fact, even as I wrote my first blog post I was astounded by the love and grace I was shown. Even more than sharing through words on a page I never thought I would be given the opportunity to share on the news, on the radio, in newspapers and in public forums. I never dreamed I would be introduced as an Ed survivor (talk about humbling). That my friends is the beauty of grace. I in no manner deserve this and yet I was given this beautiful opportunity to share my story. In all truth, I am merely one of millions that has a story of Ed struggles and a story of recovery and yet because of grace I have been blessed ten million times over by this blog and by the opportunity to share my story.

You my friends, each of you reading are the reason I continue to write and share my story. I am continually inspired by each of you and the way you live your lives full of grace and beauty. I once thought that being messy and broken would be awful but it is the most freedom and the most joy I have ever felt. Being real, means being me and I really like being me.

If there was one thing from the past year that I could share with you friends, it would be that your story matters, and even a year later I realize how much this is true. I have said it many times before, but only you can tell your story and when you tell your story you give others the opportunity to be real and share theirs. When you share your story you allow the story of grace to be told and when that happens lives change. It is no accident that this blog is called leaving perfection learning grace. I am constantly learning to leave my perfectionist ways behind and live in the freedom of grace. Each time I make a small step in the right direction and choose to tell the story of my messy broken life I get a chance to experience grace. You my friend have the same opportunity as well, so go out there, be brave, and tell your story! You will be surprised at how many people can relate…

So to my best friends, my lunch bunch, my family, my Brett, my RUF community, my roommate, my cheerleaders, my mentors, my big sis’s, my TCU, my girls, my staff, my reader friends, to all of you who have listened to me share my story you are the reason that I do this. Your support, your tear drying, your laughter, your diet cokes, your coffees, your hugs, and your unconditional love and support have made this all possible. Thank you for allowing me to be the real me, messiness and all, and THANK YOU for always, always, always, showing me love and grace. You mean the world to me and I couldn’t do this without you!

To any of you out there who struggle with Ed or anything else, know that there is HOPE a hope much BIGGER than your struggle, grace is REAL, recovery IS POSSIBLE, and YOUR story MATTERS, and MAY YOU ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH IT!!
<3MK

12Sep2013

Changing the Conversation

by marthakate

One of the most important truth speakers in my life.

I remember standing on the scales getting my weight read to me and marked down in my file for my seventh grade dance class. I was traumatized, I knew the exact numbers and how it had changed since last semester. Years later, during the middle of my junior year I would miss a state mandated fitness test because I was terrified to step on the scale and to know my weight and BMI. Of course, I would fake sick to get out of it but internally I knew I could never know those numbers because they would haunt me. For years, each time I went in for a check-up no matter how sick I was I made sure to pay attention to my weight, how it had changed. I would prep for days going into my appointment so I “maintained a good weight”. I was so very sick and I had no idea.

Today I still struggle. Recovery is not an open and shut book that I can close and put on the shelf. However, I am thousands miles from where I once was. The other day I ate brownies for breakfast solely because I wanted them and let me tell you they were delicious. For me, I have certain triggers that I have to be careful to avoid or deal with in a proper manner or Ed thinks he can come have a chat with me. I am so grateful for my journey and what has happened to me during my twelve year battle and my two year ongoing recovery journey. However, I can’t help but wonder what if something had changed sooner, when I was younger. And that gives me hope for the young people now that struggle, that a change can be made but first we have to change the conversation.

This past week I spent some incredibly wonderful time with one of the most amazing young girls you will ever meet. As an eighth grader, she holds wisdom that I can only hope to one day have. Watching her interact with her friends, cheer with her cheer team and talking about boys at night, got me to thinking about young MK at that age. She was a mess and she had no idea what to do. More days than not she didn’t get the nutrition she needed as she missed meals and hid her double life. She strived to be the beautiful girl that all the boys wanted to date, and all the girls thought was gorgeous. And it got me to thinking about how early these issues start especially for young girls (young men are definitely not exempt). And even more it made me realize there are so many young people who deal with the same issues and we don’t address it because we assume they are too young to have those struggles. They aren’t.

So today I want to take a moment to talk to those young girls, the moms of young people, the teachers to these kids, and anyone who interacts with these young people on a daily basis…Take notice of these young people because they see the world in a manner that you can’t, they see the beauty and they see the pain. They are confused and trying to become the best individuals they can, so stop putting pressure on them to be the best. Encourage them to be their best.

Today across the world, there are young girls skipping lunch, running to the bathroom, literally running for miles, pouring over magazines, crying in the mirror, trying to fit into a certain perfect size jeans, writing in their diary because some boy told them they weren’t pretty. And it matters…it is not just simple words, your words, their words, they matter. We have to start changing this and it starts with changing the conversation.

Stop telling them they are beautiful for their physical appearance. Instead tell them they are important, their opinions matter, they are going to change the world. Their physical beauty is fleeting and could change in an instant but their beautiful hearts are forever. Tell them they are loved for the unique individual they are. Tell them there is no one like them in the world, because it is true. Don’t wait till it is too late!

Moms, Dads, teachers, friends, pastors, mentors, young people, you have a chance to change the conversation and it starts today. I hope today that you feel loved for who you are on the inside and not on the outside because that is what matters and from a young lady who has fought harder than anyone should ever have to, to believe this truth I promise changing the conversation, it is worth it and may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!

<3MK

Finding the Real MK

The best friends a girl could have. #beyondblessed

As I was setting up my new room I came across some old photos of myself and by old photos I mean ones taken nearly a year ago. I took a moment and I starred at the girl in the photo and I didn’t recognize her. Sure she looked healthy. She looked happy. She was beautiful. She looked like me, but was she really me? I knew within an instant that she wasn’t…

One of the most important aspects of my recovery has been discovering who MK is. What does MK like? What does she dislike? What is she about? What does she want for her life? However, at the point I was at in my recovery a year ago I wasn’t strong enough to stick to many of those things. I wasn’t ready to be me…I still wanted to be the people-pleaser I was during my time with Ed. So I became someone I wasn’t. It was no one’s fault but my own. I caved to the pressures around me because it was easier to say and do things that others liked and wanted me to do than to be me.

However, this MK, a year later is different. She is stronger in her recovery and she knows what she stands for and what she doesn’t. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t have bad days but she is able to talk about them and be open with the mess. She has learned who she is and who she is not. For me the refusal to people please at the expense of my own self worth is still one of the hardest parts about recovery. On some days I do better than others but I know what choosing to view others ideas and standards above my own, does to me. So for my own sake, I came up with a list of certain truths I cling to and certain ones I don’t, that way if I was ever uncertain about my decisions I could come back and remember who I am at the core.

I cling to the gospel of grace. That is what directs my life.
I strive to live a life filled with grace not striving for perfection.
I share my mess (even when it is hard).
I protect myself and don’t put myself in situations that are harmful to my recovery.
I take care of myself and rest, even if it means not hanging out with friends every night.
I express my emotions and feelings. This means, I allow myself to cry when I need to and laugh when I want.
I am honest about where I am at on my journey and my recovery with others and myself.
I ask for help when I need it and I am not ashamed of asking for help.
I don’t say yes to everything. In other words, I don’t over commit and wear myself out.
I allow myself to mess up and make mistakes. Sometimes my failure brings out my greatest strengths.

Just like MK a year ago wanted to cave to who she thought everyone wants her to be, MK today does that as well. And the other day, as i sat across the table from two of my very best friends and shared my heart I had to remember this list. I had to remember that they were my home team. I had to remember the real messy MK was who they loved and because of that they wanted to keep me accountable in my recovery. Sometimes it is harder than others to remember and stay true to this list. I grew up the girl with the smile plastered to her face, the one with no real problems, the dream child, dream student, perfect youth group attendee. That’s a lot of pressure for a kid and even now an adult. I don’t want to have it all together and frankly most of the time I don’t.

If you took a look at my real life you would find out that despite my immaculate room, my closet is a mess, My hair most days needs to be washed, I hate ironing and so my clothes are most likely a little wrinkly. If I could I would live in over sized shirts and yoga pants. I love parties but I hate nightlife and crowded hangouts. I am incredibly nerdy and don’t know near enough about pop culture to hold a conversation. I hate goodbyes and they tear me apart longer than they should. I love (capital love) cheesy ABC Family dramas and could watch them for hours. Some days I spend way too much time deciding if a piece of jewelry goes with an outfit and as a result I do my hair and makeup in ten minutes combined. I am addicted to Diet Coke and drink way more than I should. And honestly, some days are just harder than others when I look in the mirror. The people who love me for who I am know all these things just like my two best friends who sat across the table from me. They could tell you the items of my list without knowing about it because they know who I am at the core. Even more, they embrace this MK and they love her for her broken, messy, energetic, and sometimes crazy self. Many of those things about my real life are things I am scared to share when I am most vulnerable because they make me the quirky messy person I am. However, as I looked back at those photos from a year ago I realized I would rather be this real version of myself than try to please all those people around me… I would rather be myself than lose part of myself…

I don’t know if that resonates with you my friend. Maybe you like me spend too much time caring about what others think of you, and you end up losing part of your self. I want you instead of focusing on how to please others, think about focusing on who you really are at the core. I can promise you my friend, people pleasing only leads to heartache and losing yourself. So this week forget what other people think and learn about yourself and what you are all about. Something tells me you are pretty amazing and I hoping this week you realize that too! And may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it,

<3MK

13Jul2013

Uncertainty and Control: My Not So Best Friends

by marthakate

As I sit here my eyes are heavy and my head is running a hundred miles an hour with a million things to do. Truth is I am a list girl and with moving, working, spending time with friends, etc. my lists are piling up. And when my lists pile up so do my perfectionist tendencies, so do my worries, so do the lies. For the past week I have been worn out emotionally, physically, spiritually, from transition in all areas in my life and when I am worn down bad habits start to creep up. And instead of being honest and open with people, I shut down and I shut up. I don’t say how I am really doing and I put on the Miss Perfect Hat. I let little things get to me and I start to only see things as right and wrong in my life or as black and white. So what am I doing instead of listening to the overwhelming lies in my head? I am sitting down and talking to you dear friends. Because maybe you’ve had a week like mine. Maybe you need to hear this as much as I do…

I am so not good at transition or shall we say change. I fight it with every fiber in my being and the last few months have been all about change. I graduated college, I got a big girl job, I got a lovely house, I got a wonderful boyfriend. All of these are beautiful things. I also had several people leave (or who are about to leave) who are my family, I had friends move away, I had to make real decisions about what I want for the future. There is so much good wrapped up in this change, yet I still fear it like many of us do, because it is uncertain. And frankly the unknown, the uncertain, often drives me over the edge and that is where the problem begins.

When everything in my life seems uncertain, I do the one thing that make life feel more certain to me…I control. I control my relationships, I control my behavior, my decisions, even my wardrobe. Honestly, it’s not bad to plan or be well prepared but I take it to the max when I feel the need to control. In the past Ed, was the master at this he knew just how to control my life through negative food behaviors. Even being strong in recovery for almost two years, there are days in the midst of uncertainty that I have to sit back and take in the truth and not listen to the lies that start to creep in. Because the fact is, I don’t believe them anymore and I don’t live by them. However, when I am worn down and fragile they have a way of breaking through the steel trap door which I have locked them deep behind.

Maybe you have struggled with Ed, maybe you haven’t but I think we can all understand the desire to control when everything seems out of control. Here is the bad thing though, when I lean into the control I lean into my perfectionist qualities. When I lean into my perfectionist self I don’t like who I become. That MK always has an answer for everything, she has to constantly have her hair and wardrobe perfect, she has to always say the right things, she is irritable, she can’t mess up, and she certainly cannot share her mess. She becomes more focused on the results and not the relationships and people in her life. That MK, cannot leave the house in yoga pants, she cannot relax when she is with friends, she cannot stand when one thing in the house is out of place, she can’t sit still, she can’t be really present, and she cannot deal with imperfection. Let’s be real, that MK is NO fun to be around!

There are times when my life is just more messy than usual. There are times where the pain and past wounds seem to still sting. There are times where I just cannot catch my breath and the last few weeks have been like that. Don’t get me wrong there has been a lot of joy and wonderful times in the past few weeks. I have always been a glass more than half full girl. I can tell you all about the sunshine and the roses but today I need to tell you about the rainstorm because that is just as real. We don’t talk about the rain and hail, especially in the midst of it, so I am going to take a big leap of faith and do just that. In the midst of the rain, when I cannot see the sun life is hard and my desire is to control and when I control I become the worst version of myself. However, I don’t have to be that controlling person, but that takes major effort.

It is during the rainstorm that I have to take time to rest, to practice self-care, to be still, and to know that taking care of my self, especially when life is hard, is NOT selfish. If we don’t give our bodies time to rest, to feel all the emotions that come with uncertainty and to work through them, then we are doing ourselves a huge disservice. For me unwinding is reading a favorite book curled up with a cup of coffee, it is watching cheesy ABC family sitcoms, it is a glass of wine and a chat with my best friend, its a nap in the middle of the day, it is praying, it is singing at the top of my lungs to my favorite song. Those are all healing for me, however I will say this healing activity can soon turn into numbing. I know all about numbing from my years with Ed and I never want to go back there. So I build in me time but I also don’t let it take over. Because lets be real, I could sit and read for days, I could lay in bed and watch every episode of every TV show ABC family ever created, but that wouldn’t be helpful and it would certainly check me out to life and I don’t want that. So I rest and take time to heal but I don’t numb out.

This coming week I am striving to be the more balanced MK. The MK that doesn’t freak out when her boxes are packed wrong, the MK that can get ready in ten minutes, the MK who doesn’t focus on what she eats. And here is the secret, I will slip up this week and want to go back to the control and so will you, because we aren’t perfect. Each slip up though reminds me that instead of focusing on what I did wrong there, I have a chance to do it right the next time. And in allowing myself to mess up I give myself grace and with that grace comes rest, and when I rest I loosen my grip on the control and perfection because I don’t need them anymore. That is what I wish for you this week my friend, that you would show yourself grace and give yourself rest. Rest in whatever way you need to and loosen your grip on the control, because control destroys, rest and grace do not. So slip on your pajamas and curl up on the couch and rest in the manner that is the most helpful for you and watch the need to control slip away. You can do it this week and know that I will be doing it right there with you… and may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it,

<3MK

25Jun2013

The Waiting Room

by marthakate

“I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized… And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin… That thing I’m waiting for, that adventure, that move-score-worthy experience unfolding gracefully. This is it. Normal, daily life ticking by on our streets and sidewalks, in our houses and apartments, in our beds and at our dinner tables, in our dreams and prayers and fights and secrets – this pedestrian life is the most precious thing any of use will ever experience.”

When I was young, summer was my favorite time of year. Summer meant the pool, no homework, sleeping in, snow cones, and hanging out with friends. It was the best of times. It also meant another thing; it meant waiting rooms.I grew up with many precious elderly people in my life. As precious as they may have been, I learned quickly the more elderly they were the more time we spent in the doctors office. And so many of my summer days were spent in the waiting rooms of various doctors offices. And it was in those waiting rooms that I learned the biggest lessons.

Each time we headed out for the doctor’s office. I would bring my piled up bag with enough books to last several days, my personal CD player with tons of CDs, my journal and fifteen different colored gel pens. However, no amount of fun items could make up for the waiting. It was during the time in the waiting room that I learned really how terrible at “waiting” I am. And even more as I reflect back to my time in the waiting room I recognize that I spend much of my life simply waiting, instead of living…

I remember being a freshman in high school. I was desperately in love with a real live movie star friend three years older than me. I thought life would be so much more bearable if he would just ask me to be his girlfriend. So I sat by the phone and waited every night for a call, sometimes it came and sometimes it didn’t but I waited. I waited and I missed out on opportunities to get to know other guys because I was so focused on the waiting.

Fast forward three years later and I knew my life would be perfect if I just got into TCU. So I sat and I waited. Nothing in life seemed as important as that, so I never entertained the idea of another school and frankly didn’t want to hear about my friends school choices because I was too focused on my waiting. And when I was accepted it became about waiting on the the right dorm, the right classes, the right friends…so I waited more and I missed out on some great friends and classes because I couldn’t stand the waiting.

In college, I had dreams of becoming a phenomenal District Attorney. So I waited hoping that my dream would one day be a realization. I was so enthralled with my waiting that I missed out on clear signs that attorney life was not for me. After I realized my attorney dreams were not for me, I began to plan my non profit dreams, waiting to one day be ready for them and instead missed out on helping with other amazing non profits because I was waiting on my own to happen. And what I have found in all my waiting is that I let my life pass me by. I don’t live it and I miss out.

So much about this season of life has been about transition for me. Transition out of a college safety net. Transition into new jobs. Transition into having family move. Transition out of serious relationships. Transition in friendships. Transitions in living situations. And as I sit here in the midst of transition, it is so easy for me to wait. It is so easy and safe to sit and wait for the ministry I want to do a year from now in RUF. It is so easy to sit and wait for Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet. It is easy to sit and wait for the life that I want to happen to unfold around me. However, the waiting doesn’t do me any good. The waiting tells me it’s okay to sit around and not live my life but to merely wish it away, to wish for my big moment and to forget what life is happening around me.

When I sit around and wait I don’t enjoy my life. Just like the ten year old sitting in the waiting room hoping that any minute it will be time to go and soon she will see her family burst through the doors, I have sat and waited for my big moments to happen. And when they don’t I am disappointed. I am unenthusiastic about life because I know that something better might be around the corner. And when they do they are wonderful but they eventually end and life goes back to normal pace. I don’t like that idea that I am just waiting for bigger, better, moments than what is happening right now. So I made a decision to stop waiting and start living. Because living and living life to the fullest is what I am about, not waiting for life to pass me by. I cannot change my age or my position in life but I can change my attitude towards my life and I can start living each day instead of waiting for tomorrow for everything to fall into place. I can work hard, I can love others, I can show grace, I can have faith and I can live each precious moment of this life given to me to the fullest.

Friend, maybe you are a young twenty year old waiting for your life to begin, maybe you are teenager waiting for that boy to ask you out, maybe you are waiting for that girl to say yes to your date, maybe you are a young mom waiting for her kids to just get over this difficult period, maybe you are a middle aged adult waiting for this job you have hated for so many years to end. So like me your story is one of waiting. Just like sitting in a stark and and pale waiting room, you are sitting and waiting for your life to be what you want it to be. Friend, this waiting is frustrating and difficult and in the end you miss out on your life because you are waiting for a better life to happen. Don’t get me wrong I want you to have the biggest and brightest dreams but in the midst of the dreams I want you to stop waiting for the big moments to happen and for everything to fall into place. I want you to start living each and every little moment of this precious life you were given and not waste it. So this week will you do me a favor? Will you stop living life in the waiting room and start living it to the fullest? And may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!

<3MK

12Jun2013

What Family Is

by marthakate

“This is what I know: we want to live in connected, honest community. We were created for relationship. We long to be invited into the vulnerable, family spaces in one another’s lives. But as desperately as we want this, at the same time we hate the idea of people seeing the mess in our own lives, both literally and figuratively.
Bad news, though: the system is rigged. If you only let people see the perfect parts of your life, you’ll never experience those transforming, extraordinary moments of friendship that we’re longing for, that we’ve been created for.”

I have rewritten and rewritten this post so many times my fingers are starting to hurt. I haven’t gotten past the introduction and I think it’s because I am afraid that if I do than the waterworks might start. I might have to be not only real, which includes being sad and a little heartbroken, but also overjoyed. How do you put into words when someone changes your life completely? How do you tell the story of a family that changed your life? How do you tell the story of people who mean the world to you? How do you not say goodbye and only see you soon?

We met over a year and half ago and within that time my life changed. I have never met a family that did real so well, that lived grace, that gave love unbounded. When we met I wasn’t ready to be real. I wasn’t ready to be honest and I certainly wasn’t ready to take off my mask. However, it didn’t take long because I found a family with these amazing people. I suddenly realized that I didn’t have to be perfect around them. They let me into the real messy, vulnerable, and honest, parts of their lives and because of that I let them into mine too. It is true what the quote above says, when we let people into the realness of our lives that when is the celebration of extraordinary friendship occurs, and that is what happened with us. We celebrated more than just birthdays and anniversaries we celebrated bravery, and realness. We celebrated disappointment and heartache because we knew it had a bigger plan in our lives and was temporary. Sometimes you meet people and you have no idea that they are about to change your lives. From the first time we met I knew this family was special. I saw the outward beauty in each of their faces but it wasn’t long before I saw the beauty in their hearts.

I have never been a real mom or aunt. I have never had more than one sibling. However, they let me have a small taste of it all. This year they let me try and they let me fail. I have learned what it means to have five more minutes of snuggle time because you can’t imagine putting them to bed just yet. I have learned what it means to say no because you have their best interest at heart. I have learned that nobody is going to die from a slightly burnt grilled cheese and sometimes even after the fourth time of rewriting the handwriting just doesn’t look better. I have learned that two desserts is just necessary on certain days. I have learned that some days call for multiple diet cokes. I have learned that in order to deal with problems that you have to be real with them. I have learned that there are people who get your struggles more than you ever imagined. I have learned more about different kinds of toys how much cooler they are then when I was little. I have learned that building a fort is timeless and ageless. I have learned that sometimes Baby Einsteins is the only thing that works for a screaming child and that is okay! I have learned that we don’t get along perfectly everyday and some days are just hard. I have learned that we have to work at relationships. I have learned that a child’s intuition and wisdom is more brilliant and precious than any adults. I have learned what it means to love your family no matter what comes. I have learned that you say sorry when you don’t do things right. I have learned that prayer is essential and love should be freely given. I have learned that grace is vital. I have learned that none of us is perfect but that the mess can be beautiful.

I have watched three gorgeous kids grow up into the even bigger, wiser, and more faith filled individuals who inspire me daily. I have seen a mom and dad who love their kids more than anything and give more of that love and grace than I ever thought possible. I have gained a best friend who is like a sister and a big brother who would do anything to protect the people he loves. I gained another family, a family who welcomed me into the mess and all, who loved me despite me flaws, who told me it was okay to mess up, who celebrated over my victories big and small, who loved me when I was unlovable. There are no words to express the multitude of these gifts but I can say that I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. I wouldn’t be where I am in my faith, in my recovery, in my journey without my family.

Today we don’t say goodbye but only see you soon. Hundreds of miles will separate our physical homes but not the love in our hearts. When you become family with someone you don’t ever lose that. We may not share the same DNA or blood types but there is no doubt that God made us family. A year and half ago I couldn’t have imagined what life would be with them and today I cannot imagine a day without them. So my family, for all the way you have loved me for all the ways you have shown me this love and grace, for all the tangible and intangible gifts you have given me, for the faith you have inspired me with, for all the joy and happiness you have filled my life with, thank you will never be enough. Never will I drink another diet coke, see Disney Princesses, jump on a trampoline, eat mint chocolate chip ice cream or a greek salad, play on a kindle, watch baby e, and not think of you. For all the tangible ways in which you have forever changed my life I will be forever grateful but for the million plus intangible ways, for all the lessons, prayers, love and grace, my heart is forever linked with yours. You have changed my life for good. I will never be the same because of you! I am beyond blessed because of my beautiful family and I always will be! This is NOT goodbye…this is see you soon…this is lots of airplane trips, car rides, skype and facetime, this is tons of messages and phone calls, pictures sent, and mail received but this is NEVER goodbye. You hold a spot in my heart that no one could ever take. We may not be with each other everyday but we will always be at heart because we will be forever family… May you ALWAYS remember…

I LOVE YOU to the moon and back (times infinity!),

❤ Your MK

6Jun2013

Fairy Tales And Messiness

by marthakate

Brave Real Girls

If you know me, than you know that I grew up loving fairy tales. I am a sucker for Prince Charming and a Happily Ever After. I get so swept up in the tales. From the time I was little, I longed for the fairy tale story that swept me away. I wanted the movie scene life where everything fell perfectly into place and the audience would weep with joy. That is what I wanted my life to be, a cheesy, romantic, everything is perfect in the end fairy tale and so when my life turned into anything other than that I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it…and that is I when stopped living…

I didn’t know what else to do, so instead of accepting my less than perfect life I kept waiting for my big fairy tale moment to happen and slowly days and years went by and it didn’t happen and I was frustrated. Each time a big moment happened such as making dance team, dating the ridiculously cute older boy in high school, getting into TCU, dating the ridiculously cute frat boy…and so on I thought maybe my fairy tale was about to begin. Sense a pattern? I didn’t know how to deal with the realness of life, the messiness, the hurt, the frustration, the anger, the disappointment. Instead, I hid behind a really pretty mask and kept waiting for my prince charming to sweep me away and in the process I hid. Ed was really great at helping me hide and as early on as I can remember that’s what I did, instead of dealing with life I hid my true self as I waited for my fairy tale.

For over a decade I did it…I hid. I hid my loneliness, I hid my sadness, I hid my fear. Instead, Ed “helped” me deal with it. I used food as a method to control the chaotic world around me. I used it to comfort me, I used it to tell me that everything was okay, I used it to tell me that I was worthy. It failed me and so did Ed…they failed me miserably. And that fairy tale I was looking for didn’t happen. I was so lost, so broken, so unworthy feeling that I didn’t know what to do…and then I found grace and when I found grace or really when grace found me, my life changed…

My life still isn’t anything close to a fairy tale and I definitely haven’t found a Prince Charming that has swept me off my feet but even on my worst days, I am more than okay with that. I am even happy with it because grace changed my life. Grace taught me that I was loved despite my imperfections. Grace taught me that being real was okay and being a mess was beautiful and by living my life by grace that I didn’t have to measure up to the world’s standards because I was loved despite the flaws I tried so hard to conceal.

Sometimes it is still tough to want to be real and live a grace filled life. Because being real is hard! It means really feeling things in your life, the beautiful and the ugly. It sometimes hurts and it sometimes isn’t fun. However, let me say it so much easier than living behind a mask. Life is hard enough as it is and as a person who lived behind a mask for too many years, it takes a lot of work to pretend you have it all together, ALL THE TIME. Once I accepted the fact that I desperately needed grace like I needed air not because I am perfect but because I am perfectly imperfect, that is when life became easier.

When we open up, when we are real, when we show love, when we give grace, this is when we are allowing people to be the very best versions of themselves. When we are real with each other we are allowing people to be their messy beautiful selves. The other day I heard someone say that they wished people would stop talking about the messes in their lives. Honestly, friends I cannot imagine anything more horrific. When we stop talking about the messes in our lives we stop being real. Sure there is beauty in life, there is wonder, and those things make life spectacular but the fact is those are things that are easy to talk about. Beautiful things are comfortable to talk about and they certainly don’t require effort. I love hearing about beautiful things and I am sure you do too. But honestly, what I love more is hearing about the beauty in the midst of the mess. The mess doesn’t have to consume us and make us hate life but what it helps us to do is embrace the realness of life.

My whole purpose in this blog and in continuing to write and share my journey with you friends, is because I am daily leaving perfection and learning grace. There are so many times I sit down to write and want to have the perfect post, with the perfect story and then I stop myself. I will never even be close to a perfect writer and my story is anything but perfect but I continue to write. I write to share my story and to point to the grace that has changed my life and I write in hopes that you too dear friends, share your story. That your victories, your triumphs, your struggles, your messiness may be used to help others with their own stories. My story is one of billions but only I can tell my story and only you can tell yours but believe me yours is worth telling! I hope this week that you sit back, decide to be real, embrace the messiness and throw away the fairy tale, because life is so much more beautiful and messy than a fairy tale could ever tell. And this week as you decide to be brave and embrace the messiness, may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!

<3MK

22May2013

Dear Ed…Closing a Chapter and Beginning a New Book

by marthakate

“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.”

The last several weeks have been a whirlwind. From graduating college, to saying goodbyes to friends, to starting new adventures, to friends getting married, if feels as if life is going at full speed and it is during those times that I feel the need to take a big deep breath and soak in all I have the potential to miss. I have never felt more loved or more celebrated than I have in the last several weeks, from a graduation party thrown by “The Moms”, to a precious family party, to time with my best friends, to many cards and presents, to sweet texts and phone messages, as I have said (many many times if you know me 🙂 ) before I really am one beyond blessed girl. It wasn’t until I was going through a memento box from the last four years that reality finally struck me. A chapter in my life was closing in so many ways. I ran across a letter I wrote in the early fall, shortly before I started this blog. It was a letter I wrote in the midst of recovery to Ed and when I wrote it I felt like I still had to struggle extremely hard be free. As I read the words in the letter the other day though, tears filled my eyes, because I realized by the grace of God I was no longer the girl in the letter. I realized I had grown leaps and bounds in the last nine months and that Ed is no longer a part of my daily or even weekly life. Sure I have bad days and struggles like anyone else but I have reached a point in my recovery that there is so much freedom that is unbelievable. So even though I am so proud of myself for my college graduation in my book this is an even bigger deal. So as you read this letter I hope you know if you have been a part of my journey thank you, this is for you and for those of you out there struggling this is for you too. Nine months ago I didn’t think I would be where I am now and yet here I am, beginning a new part of my life after college. For the first time, I feel as if I am closing a chapter of an old book and starting a brand new one…

Dear Ed,

You have been a part of my life for too long now. I hate you. In fact, I despise you. I know that for the last twelve years we have been friends, we’ve been best friends but that is ending now. I don’t want you in my life. I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to hear your lies.

I know we have been close for a very long time now and leaving you behind is not going to be easy but it is going to be worth it. Everyday that I listen to you one less time, every time I take one more bite, every tiny step I take towards being free of you is a small battle won. I will celebrate these victories and I will be proud of myself for them. You have kept me in chains for too long and I AM going to break free.

I am making a commitment to not listen to you, to not obey you, to fight you and to win. I may make mistakes, I may fall, I may not win immediately but eventually I will. I will not let you use my mistakes and my slip ups against me. I will not let you get me down. I will give myself grace, I will remind myself of what my life will be with without you, I will step up instead of backing down.

I know I have said this before and I know that a year ago I made a commitment to beating you but I have been scared, no, I’ve been terrified. You made me believe that I couldn’t live life without you, that I wasn’t strong enough, that I would never beat you but for the first time in my life I believe I CAN and I WILL!

I will not let myself believe the constant lies you tell me, or all the doubt you fill my head with. I know as I recover your voice will be there, pretending to love me (when in reality you hate me). I WILL not count calories, eat or not eat for the sake of comfort, I WILL not skip meals, I WILL not use ANY KIND of supplements, meal replacements, or laxatives or medicines (to avoid eating or to get rid of food), I WILL not engage in behaviors that make your voice loud, I WILL not continue in behaviors that harm me and continue to bring me self-hatred and disappointment.

I will avoid and be aware of my triggers (talking about diet and exercise plans, looking at models or unhealthy people, obsessing and comparing myself to others, constant stress of perfection in school, and thinking I have to impress everyone I meet). I will instead remind myself that I am loved by a God who, “fearfully and wonderfully made me” just the way that He wanted me and that He believes I am beautiful no matter my looks. I will remind myself that Mary and the Kendall family, value my friendship and love and treasure me in their lives. I will remind myself that Mommy and Daddy, Sam, Anne, Davis, Nick, and Carter are grateful I am a part of their families. I will remind myself that I have countless, family, friends and wonderful best friends who believe I am worth fighting for and beating this. I will remind myself that my Anorexia does not define me and never will. I will remind myself that God has incredible plans for my life, which include loving and serving others, and bringing glory to His name, and none of them I can complete if I am not here.

ED, this is goodbye for good, you will no longer master my thoughts, my actions, my life. I am taking back the control and will keep it for the rest of my life. I am ending this friendship for the last time and will not be returning. I just wanted you to know in case you were in doubt that I DON’T love you and I DON’T want you to be a part of my life anymore. I will KEEP fighting EVEN when it gets hard, EVEN when I want to give up, EVEN when I feel like no more of me can fight, I will fight until I BEAT you and you are NO longer a part of my daily life!

Goodbye ED, we won’t be speaking anymore,

Martha Kate

To those of you who read that letter and walked this journey with me, thank you is an understatement. It is your hand-holding, prayers, love, and support and grace, that brought me through. I love you and always will. I could not have made it without you. To those of you reading this who are struggling with Ed or something else, there is freedom, there is hope, you CAN be set free. I want you to know that there was a point that I never thought it was possible but IT IS!! And to MK way to go girlfriend, you never backed down and you still don’t. I want you to know, I am proud of YOU!

Friends, you can make it through recovery, you can beat this. There is hope, there is grace and when you do find freedom, I want you to be so thankful for those who have helped you through, I want you to give back and help those struggling but I also want you to be sooo proud of yourself because no one can do this for you but YOU. I don’t know about you but this girl is slamming the book closed on that chapter (never to be reread!) in her life and she is starting a brand new beautiful book full of grace, messiness, imperfection and beauty because that is what life is all about! My friend, I am thinking of you this week and hoping that you may find the strength to fight whatever battle it is in your life and that you may find the hope to overcome it and may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!

❤ MK

7May2013

Lessons from the Lunch Bunch

by marthakate

From one of our Lunch Bunch Sleepovers. We were definitely the cool kids in High School…

“Everybody has a home team: It’s the people you call when you get a flat tire or when something terrible happens. It’s the people who, near or far, know everything that’s wrong with you and love you anyways. These are the ones who tell you their secrets, who get themselves a glass of water without asking when they’re at your house. These are the people who cry when you cry. These are your people, your middle-of-the-night, no-matter-what people.”

High School Graduation with the Lunch Bunch

There are certain people that know all about you, your deepest, darkest, scariest secrets. They have seen you at your saddest, happiest, craziest, funniest, meanest and they love you still. They have been with you through more up and downs than you can count and they never cease to stop holding your hand or drying your tears. These are the people that you don’t have to call when tragedy strikes because they are already there standing by your side. They are the ones who tell you when you are being absolutely ridiculous and laugh along with you. They bring light to your darkness and show you the silver lining in stormy clouds. These are your people and for me, my people will always be the Lunch Bunch.

Meg’s Sixteenth Birthday with the Lunch Bunch

While I met each of them under different circumstances eleven years ago we all met collectively in the sixth grade. However, we didn’t form the Lunch Bunch until summer before sophomore year when “A Saved By the Bell” board game was bought and we had our first sleepover a few weeks before school started. Naturally, when we were given off campus lunch several weeks later and I had the option to bring friends home for lunch, I chose these three and there the Lunch Bunch was formed. During the next three years, we ate more lunches at my table, had more Youth and Government sleepovers, left out more boys from our lunch gathering, had more races, shared more boy stories, and ate more packs of Oreos and cookie dough than one can imagine. Sometimes it was the four of us and sometimes it was only one or two of us. While individually the three of them comprise my very best friends, together they are the Lunch Bunch.

Youth and Government with the Lunch Bunch

This week each of us will graduate from three separate colleges (two of us from TCU at the SAME graduation 🙂 ) and so this is the perfect time to tell these three not only what they mean to me but to tell the world what extraordinary women I have as my very best friends. These three ladies are world changers. They bring light wherever they go. To me they are my best friends, my secret keepers, my confidants, my soul sisters, my future bridesmaids and so much more but they are also three of the most extraordinary women you will ever meet. So here you are my friends, meet my Angie, Lexi, and Meghan or as I like to call them the Lunch Bunch…

My Angelita

My Angelita…she is the epitome of a best friend. She is one of the most genuine people you will ever meet. She is a natural beauty who radiates inside and out. We first became friends over her friendship necklace and later our friendship blossomed over boy talk. So it is appropriate that she is my straight shooter when it comes to my relationships and boys. She tells it like it is out of love and while she may not think this, this is one of her best qualities and it is one I am forever grateful for. She has saved me from true heartache many of times and caught me before I made some ridiculous mistakes. She is the one I go to when I need real advice about life and she is never afraid to be real with me. She was one of the only ones that in my darkest days told me how much I needed help and that I had to get serious about it. She has held my hand through so much and she has cried with me when I was too hurt to continue on. She sees the best in me and truly brings out the best in me as well. She is the one who is not afraid to dream with me and continually assures me no dream is too small. She is the one who I go to for reassurance and she never ceases to provide it. Without her I would have been lost more times than I can count but because of her I have been able to make some of the very best decisons Together we can quote One Tree Hill and Gilmore Girls, we can sing just about an 90s pop song, we can laugh about high school crushes and silly mistakes, and have some of the best phone conversations I have ever had. We have been through over eleven years together of both our youth groups, middle school classes, high school classes, youth and government, key club, student council, birthday parties, family parties, high school graduation night and so much more. She is the person that no matter how hard I try to not tell her something, I can’t not share with her. She knows my heart too well and I can’t hold back from her and in turn she doesn’t hold back from me. She is the person I spent the night of my high school graduation with dreaming about our future college lives and so it is bittersweet to not spend this Saturday with her dreaming about our adult lives. She is a peacemaker, a world changer, and one of the most accepting people I know. She has shown me more love and compassion than I deserve and she will always be one of my very best friends.

My Lexa Lou

My Lexa Lou… she is my soul sister and my other half. She is the girl who walks into a room and all eyes turn to her. She radiates a beauty that shines inside and out. She is one of the most humble people I know. We met at the age of eleven at a girls assembly. I fell for this girl because she rocked some sassy overalls and from that moment on I knew we had to be friends. Lexa is the person that gets me without me even having to say a word. She knows me and she knows my heart. She has been my make up artist, my fashion guru, my go to about boy advice. She is smarter than she will ever admit to and I am literally in awe of her brilliance. She is the first person to my defense and as a result some boys still talk about the glares she gave when they broke my heart. She is person that knows what I am thinking before I say it and sometimes she says what I wanna say because she knows I won’t. Together we have watched more chick flicks, had more boy stories, passed more notes, listened to more country songs and drank more diet coke and chewed more ice than I can count. She is one of the funniest people I know. In the last year I have gotten to spend more time with her than I ever imagined and I will always cherish that time together. She is the person who is always supportive and encouraging me in every aspect of life. She is the person who introduced me to diet soda, who taught me how to put on make up, how to study for a test (with songs and dances), how to craft, and how to be a true friend. She is the person who is never afraid to be put in a new situation and make new friends. Because of her I have some of the best quotes you could ever imagine. She is the person I call when I have a crazy idea and she is the one to say let’s go for it. She is one of the first people I text when I need prayer knowing she gets it and relies on a faith bigger than us both. She is the one who can tell when I am hurting or something happened and I don’t want to tell anyone. She is the one I can ask about anything and guarantee she will tell me the answer and give her best advice. She is the girl I am not afraid to be my crazy self around because I know she loves me no matter how ridiculous I am. She is an encourager, a world changer and one of the most loving people I know. She has shown me more love and grace than I deserve and she will always be one of my very best friends.

My Meg

My Meg…she is known as the third child of my family. She is the most loyal person I have ever met. She has a beauty that radiates from her sweet spirit inside and out. She is the person who has literally become family. She is the girl who has celebrated every holiday with me since we became friends. We met standing outside our 6th grade school both a mess of straight across bangs and braces not quite straight from crooked teeth, and after a science fair project together the next year I knew she was the kind of friend I would be grateful to have by my side. She has a wittiness that no one can match. She is the girl that has some dance and rapping skills that I stand amazed at. She is the precious friend who has literally slept next to and woken up with me in the wee hours of the morning when I couldn’t sleep because of a broken heart. She is the only one allowed to call my daddy by his first name. She has become the best friend to my precious brother. She is the girl you want standing in your corner when the world is falling apart around you and the girl you want jumping up and down with you at the celebration of life. Together we have read more cheesy romance novels, baked more cookies, rapped more songs, been to more church events than I could ever count. She is the one best friend out of the Lunch Bunch who I will get to spend two graduations with, something I am forever grateful for. Without her by my side at TCU, I wouldn’t have made it through. She knows more family secrets and dynamics than anyone. This girl is one of the most hardworking individuals I have ever met. She has a creativity that blows me away every time I see it at work. I am amazed by the talents that this one lady holds. She has a servant’s heart and a gentleness few could ever match. She is the person who is already praying before I even ask. She gets grace better than almost anyone and gives it better than most as well. She has a heart that loves others and seeks peace. She is a giver, a world changer and one of the kindest people I know. She has shown me more love and more about true friendship than I deserve and she will always be one of my very best friends.

My Lunch Bunch

To say I am proud to call these three gorgeous and truly amazing individuals and women my best friends is an understatement. I am more than beyond blessed with these three. I may call many people best friends but there is no doubt that these three are the real deal. I have watched them grow the last eleven years and turn into the very best people I have ever met! Angelita, Lexa Lou and Meg, I am so proud of you for the women you are, the friends you have been and the world changers you are going to be. To all of you who don’t know these three, you should, they are the best ladies out there! To all of those out there who have shared these sisters, these daughters, these girlfriends, these friends with me, thank you I am so grateful for these three precious ladies. And to my Angelita, my Lexa Lou and my Meg thank you for blessing my life in more ways than you will ever know. You forever hold a piece of my heart. You are my home team, my family and my very best friends. I love you a million times over! Congratulations on your graduation and on all the world changing you are about to set out on and may you ALWAYS REMEMBER…

YOU are LOVED and YOU are WORTH it!

<3MK